| Seventeenth September nineteen-forty-two... |
[23 Dec 2008|04:28pm] |
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What the fuck do they think happens to girl spies in war, anyway? Do they really think my aunt would have taken her in if there was even a hint that what they said was true?
I'm almost half hoping that Rasputin doesn't spread the word like I told him to do, because I'd be more than happy to beat him up again and anyone else who said things like that about my cousin.
I need to fight someone else, or ... I don't know.
I need to find Dylan.
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| Sixteenth September nineteen-forty-two... |
[17 Nov 2008|12:05am] |
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It's so good to be back. Dylan is so beautiful when he's asleep, all fucked out and relaxed. Usually he's the one that makes things better for me, but this time I got to return the favour. It feels good.
He's had a rough time of it while I was gone - not just the demons (and an actual exorcism, right in the Great Hall!), but Baddock Minor turned out to be a traitor (no surprise - and no loss, not that I said that to Dylan, since he's still upset that he had to turn him in) and Foggington got dragged off after him. (Note to self - avoid Charis until she's had a chance to calm down.) On top of that Gresham is in a snit because Dylan tried to stop him from being a total jerk with Arianwen, only he took it entirely the wrong way and just made everything worse. Serves him right that she's dumped him - she deserves better. He's my friend, most of the time, but sometimes he can be an absolute prig.
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| Fourteenth September nineteen-forty-two... |
[16 Jul 2008|11:07pm] |
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I am so fucking stupid. I'm beginning to understand why everyone from Transylvania thinks our Defence classes are a joke. Someone broke into my house, set a trap, and not only did I not see it, I don't even know what the runes said. If it had been set for us, I'd have led Luce and Endymion right into it.
But Luce just took over and everyone jumped to do what he said. Not that I blame them; I'd do the same.
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| Thirteenth September nineteen-forty-two... |
[07 Jun 2008|03:26pm] |
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You'd think that now Dylan and I are actually doing it fucking that I wouldn't turn bright red at the idea of sex. We've probably done things that would surprise even Endymion - or at least it would surprise him that I've done them - and I still blush as hard as I ever did. At least he stopped - "let's see how many colours Alastor can turn" is not exactly my favourite game, unless it's just me and Dylan playing it.
What am I going to do about my sister? Endymion's right, now that I think of it. I didn't even see her at the party, not even when all the girls were doing whatever it is girls do at weddings. I should spend more time with her, I suppose, but not tomorrow. I'd rather not waste a trip if the house has already been emptied, but if I ask about it someone might want us to take her, and I don't want her tagging along while we're going through my father's things.
I'm not sure who I'd rather it be, Fran or Marvell. If it's Fran - well, she's going to learn that up to now I've actually been much nicer to her than she deserves. If it's Marvell it'll be trickier - I don't want to get on Charis' bad side. He's family, and I can understand that; nobody's allowed to pick on Jennie but me. Of course if she found out what he did she'd be even less pleased with him than I am, and that has definite possibilities. Maybe I can start by just threatening to tell her, and see how much I can make him squirm.
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| Fourth September nineteen-forty-two... |
[26 Apr 2007|01:13am] |
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It helped. What we did this afternoon, what Dylan did to me, it helped. It helped. I don’t know why. But it made a lot of the hurt go away. And it felt good even when it hurt. It was a good kind of hurt. Things hurt outside don’t really hurt, it’s the things that hurt inside.
That makes no sense how I’ve written it. But it makes sense to me. I needed to stop thinking for a while. And he let me stop thinking.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to write about everything else. All I know is that I need Dylan. More than ever.
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| Sheet of paper wedged between the pages of Alastor's journal |
[26 Feb 2007|04:57pm] |
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Timetable
( Monday through Friday )
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| Sunday, thirtieth August nineteen-forty-two... |
[22 Oct 2006|12:53pm] |
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Endymion Dashwood shall be the death of me. Through massive amounts of blood-loss. That is all.
(No, that’s really not all. But since Mother wants me home tomorrow morning so we can have one last family supper before school starts—where we’ll all probably pretend we’re as happy and sane and whatnot as Dylan’s family really is—I’d rather use the time I’d spend writing a longer entry fucking Dylan.)
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| Late Friday. twenty-eighth August nineteen-forty-two... |
[11 Aug 2006|04:37am] |
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When I’m here like this, in bed with Dylan curled up on top of me, I start to think that maybe it wouldn’t be the end of the world if my family found out about us. I think I could survive being disowned, as long as I could come home to him.
I think I could survive anything as long as he was by my side.
Essential. He’s essential to me. When he’s with me I don’t feel awkward or clumsy or too big for my skin. God, just dancing with him to the phonograph tonight…I’ve always been so awkward, so nervous during our lessons at school, but not with him. Never with him.
I’ll never be awkward with him.
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| Evening Thursday, twenty-seventh August nineteen-forty-two |
[21 Jul 2006|07:57pm] |
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God, but Hadrian’s lucky. Well, not exactly, because Dashwood’s parents are crazy fucked-up wankers, but still. They got handfasted. It was beautiful. (I didn’t cry at it, I’m not a girl to cry at weddings or wedding-like ceremonies, but it was beautiful. I want one.)
Also, I think Lucifero has Discovered Boys which is so fucking funny. And cute too of course. Specifically he’s discovered Forrester and I can’t completely blame him because Forrester does have a really good arse even if he’s the biggest misanthrope in the school, but what’s even funnier is that Mercutio Malaspina has also Discovered Forrester. And Forrester was paying more attention to Lucius than to him.
(Oh, I am so fucking amused. And relieved, really, because Malaspina is chasing after Forrester then he won’t want to get Dylan back. Which is good, because I am not giving him back. Ever, damn it.)
And tomorrow I’m going to Dylan’s! Which is good because God, I miss him so bad. I wish he could have seen the handfasting with me. He’d have loved it.
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| Thursday, twenty-seventh August nineteen-forty-two... |
[04 Jul 2006|01:46am] |
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( I finished it. )
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| Tuesday, twenty-fifth August nineteen-forty-two... |
[09 Jun 2006|12:56am] |
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I wish Dylan didn’t have to always go home (or I go home.) It seems so bloody unfair that we won’t be able to live together for years.
I’d rather be living in a crowded one-room flat with Dylan than in a crowded middle-sized house with everyone here. Part of me would just be happy to stay at his house until school starts, which is probably disloyal or something but there’d be less skulking around and pretending and even though I don’t have to do that when we’re visiting Luce, we do eventually have to come home to sleep. I would miss the Bois, I think, but not half as much as I miss Dylan when I’m here and he’s not.
(He’s still here. Until tomorrow. I wish tomorrow would never come.)
I suppose it was rather stupid of me to think he wouldn’t have jilted Malaspina for me if it had come down to it. I just…it’s funny. I mean, I know what a great big slag Dylan used to be and all, but since he’s been so serious with me, I keep thinking that he’s been serious with anyone he was with. Which is not true.
I suppose that makes me feel special, actually.
But I still don’t like Malaspina.
Hell. I’m going to have to start calling his sister Miss Malaspina in here so I don’t get them mixed up. I bet Luce will love that. (I should probably apologise to her about giving her such a hard time about the way she treated Lucy now that I know what a vindictive bitch Lucy really is. I really do feel like a prat about that.)
I will try to stop being nasty to him. Even if I’d much rather wipe his stupid grin off his face. Because Luce is right, I don’t want to be my father. And that means I need to stop picking fights with people, even if they are stupid arseholes.
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| Friday, August twenty-first, nineteen-forty-two... |
[30 Mar 2006|10:32pm] |
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I am so fucking happy.
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